Editorial Staff January 24, 2012 @ 6:46 PM
1 Comment ››

Author:  Jim Zeitler –

If Barack Obama had been an Italian Cruise Ship Captain, I bet this is what we would be reading today…

PRESS RELEASE: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 

sola del Giglio, January 21, 2012:

Disgraced Cruise Ship Captain Makes First Public Statement

This morning disgraced Italian cruise ship Captain Barack Hussain Obamalosci made the following public statement, reading from a teleprompter tied to a street corner on the Tuscan island of Giglio.

“Good Morning. I stand before you today to proudly announce that my crew and I have confirmed that more than 4,179 passengers and crew of the cruise ship Costa Concordia are now safe. Under my leadership we have been able to save more than 99 and ½ % of the souls from this ship and we believe the remaining half of one percent were rich passengers who could afford to lose their lives.

To those who say that I have abdicated my responsibilities as captain of the ship, I say …let me be clear…this tragedy is the direct result of the eight years of failed navigational policies of the former Captain Giorgio Bushcoloni. It is he who established the practice of sailing this ship through the Tuscany Islands and, although I may have sailed closer, my actions were not significantly different than the former captain. I inherited this route.

To those who would say that I left the ship prematurely to focus on my own selfish concerns, I assure you that EVERY moment I was off of that ship I was tirelessly focused on thinking about ways to save more passengers – just ask Michelle.

I believe it is vital that we learn the right lessons from this tragedy because there are those who would bitterly cling to their bibles and life vests and tell you that the fault lies with me. Nothing could be further from the truth.

This incident clearly demonstrates the need for improved regulation of the industry and punishing penalties for the company that built this ship and the cruise line that profited tremendously from the ship. This disaster clearly illustrates the failure of a capitalist system that puts profits ahead of people and rewards risk taking instead of security.

This incident also is clearly a byproduct of global warming – which obviously caused the Arctic seas to rise causing it to lower here in the Tuscan Isle chain – which unnecessarily exposed the ship to shallow waters.

Now there are some who would say it is time to change captains. But in a dangerous moment like this, clearly the last things we should do is change captains of the ship.

I am prepared to return to the Costa Concordia immediately after a weekend of golf and begin the difficult process of bringing those who caused this tragedy to justice. Together we can right this ship, but in order to get it right, we will first have to steer it to the far left. Thank You. “